Infinite Sadness

Ever wished that you could find a reason to be sad.Happiness is everywhere.Some think that it's tough to find but actually it's not.You're talking to someone.There's happiness when you talk,when you walk on the street,you see new things-a new billboard,people,children you feel the happiness surrounding you.To be unhappy or sad you have to be alone and then a part of you which you don't even think exists,starts to talk.You begin to feel the loneliness around you and you begin to wonder why.Do you want to be sad ? Some people may say no,maybe most of them but in the a deep corner of your heart or say the mind,you want to feel the loneliness sometime.Separate yourself from friends,people,your loved ones and begin to think of yourself.What am i doing here?Yes I'm living my life but for what exactly.I may be successful,i may end up a total wreck but how exactly does it matter.
Yes you think of the people around you,what they think of you but then you find yourself facing the eternal truth.You're parents,family,friends are just tiny elements in this process of life and death.Remove these tiny links from the polymer of life.It won't make a difference at all.The process will run as it has since forever.Now you get a better view.Me,myself and the world around me.What do we want from each other.Yes i may be insignificant for you but i can somehow affect you.You are as mortal as i am and maybe you need me more than i need you.
Maybe these are stupid questions.Maybe no one asks these questions but I do and i still look for answers.And then i feel sad because actually i don't understand what is the reason for my existence.Again i may be anything but that anything will be shared by millions,maybe billions of people.That shouldn't be the reason.My maternal grandfather died last year.I hadn't seen him for two years till his death.He lived a simple life.Most of the people around him liked him.Then he died leaving behind nothing.Maybe a legacy that only a few people will remember.If there is an afterlife he may be looking down on his stay here through a time-vessel analyzing the significance of his existence.Maybe there's a counter,a probabilistic model which tells the score of your existence,your being or not being,how it affects the world.
Don't get me wrong here.I'm not saying Gandhi or hitler will have a very high score on this model.Maybe they wouldn't.It's a totally independent,unbiased test of life not depending on public opinion or star quotient.Maybe a farmer in the hinterlands of India scores more than all world leaders combined.Maybe his life encompasses all that we were actually supposed to do.Lead a simple,uncomplicated life,keeping people around us happy.Maybe to feel the wind on our face,the moon in the night was actually the thing for us but we ended up mired in things which were never the basis of living.
I take a walk and i begin to see things for what they are.The movie poster with the painted faces on them is actually a tree which used to stand somewhere in some time,i know not when,people used to sit under it to protect themselves from the sun-that very orangy mass which we have forgot to see from under our rocks.The black mat under your feet is actually an apparel we dressed the earth with like we dressed ourselves.Maybe it didn't want to get dressed.Maybe we have done something we can never change and i feel sad again.I don't have a time capsule.If i had one,i would have analyzed existence,learnt lessons which have been so unsuccessfully missed by our great thinkers.And no,i can't and i feel sad again.
Yeah and it's a really long one.I have got bored myself.Maybe it's all crap.Maybe i will never think about it again because i won't have the time or solitude.But i am not the one to draw conclusions and maybe there's no conclusion.If you can,then make your own.